If you’ve ever felt like you were ‘not enough’ in your business, life, and relationships, this episode is for you. Kristen breaks down exactly how this sneaky thought is sabotaging your every move and holding you back from showing up as your most authentic self in your business, and beyond:

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Transcript for Episode #15: Enough-ness

Kristen Boss (00:05):  Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hello, Hello! Welcome to another episode, Episode 15, guys.

Kristen Boss (00:56):  I feel like the episodes are lying by. 2020 feels like it’s going by fast and slow. All at the same time, kind of reminds me of the first year with a baby. Like it feels really, really long, but also really short at the same time. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting antsy to get through 2020. It’s been a year y’all it’s been a year, which reminds me. We are getting very close to the last 90 days of the year, which I think is going to make this episode very appropriate for you. This episode is going to be short, sweet, but still, it’s going to give you some things to seriously ponder over the next week. I’ve been noticing this theme that comes up a lot from my students by clients. I see it. I see it everywhere. And it just, frankly, just comes up a lot for us as women. And it’s this idea of enoughness the pursuit of enoughness. Finding enoughness oftentimes when we’re sitting in judgment and shame, feeling small, it’s often from this little thought, I’m not enough.

Kristen Boss (02:14):  I didn’t do enough. I’m not giving enough. I’m not trying hard enough. All enoughness always seems to be the bar and here’s, what’s wrong with the idea of enough? How will you ever know it is enough, enough can be very vague ambiguous. It’s kind of like the idea of assigning perfect or good enough, or you want it to be done really, really well. I always ask my clients this when they’re like, well, I just want it to be done really, really well, really, really, really well. And I say, okay, well, how will you know, when you’ve arrived? And it kind of stumps them for a bit because you can keep improving, improving, improving, improving, improving.

Kristen Boss (03:05):  And oftentimes I see the people chasing this feeling of enoughness and their business, and enough always feels like some days it feels like like they are just bathing in. Enoughness like, oh enough. And it sounds kind of fluffy. Right? Kind of. It’s like something we find on Pinterest and we put it as a wallpaper on our phone. Like I have enough, trust me, I get it. I remember once that was a wallpaper that my therapist gave to me, she’s like also type three Enneagram. Enoughness, I mean hello, we’re always chasing it. And the one thing she gave me was I am I have enough, I do enough. I remember the first time I heard that I cried. I was like, what? So this is where I see this creeping up in businesses, especially for women, some women, like some days they feel like they’re enough and they’re conquering the world. And other days they feel like they are falling so short. They just want to hide in the closet and not come out. And I get that. Here’s the problem with chasing enoughness oftentimes we think it’s a feeling, feeling like we’re enough. We think enough is an emotion.

Kristen Boss (04:32):  We think enough is a standard or there’s some bar that’s set. But the problem is, is where, when we’re in our hypercritical mode when we’re not trusting ourselves when we’re doubting the process and doubting things, the bar tends to continually keep raising or changing. It’s never the same. I want you to notice that when it comes to enough, this idea of enough, is there actually a standard for you, or does it keep, does the bar keep raising? Does it keep shifting? Is it vague? Oftentimes it is. And I see enoughness holding people back in their business a lot. And if this is something you can conquer and understand, you’re going to notice big changes in your businesses. I’m going to tell you why when we are not feeling, I’m going to put those in quotes because enough actually isn’t a feeling and we’ll get there all in pack that, but when we are not feeling enough, that’s oftentimes when I see people getting very stuck in, hung up on what everybody else is doing, what people are saying, they’re looking to all these external factors to validate or heal their enoughness.

Kristen Boss (06:16):  When they put a post out on their social media, they’re looking for, enoughness like validate me, likes hearts, engagement comments. And based on how much feedback they get, they get that pours into their enoughness tank. So to speak, oh, I feel like I’m enough. I’m getting the responses. They’re getting feedback from their team. They’re feeling enough. They’re getting positive reinforcement. I feel like I’m enough. Their husband thinks of them for doing what they’re doing. They feel like enough. The kids feel thankful and show gratitude. I feel like enough. All of those things are external circumstances that you are looking to make you feel like you were enough. And if you keep doing that enough is always going to be at the mercy of things outside of you, that you cannot control. So here’s my encouragement. Here’s something that’s really exciting for you. And enough is not a feeling enough is a decision. It’s something you choose at any given time. It’s deciding that it’s enough. It’s deciding that you have met your own expectations. You validate yourself. You don’t need the likes, the hearts, the comments engagements, the thank you’s that accolades the recognition to validate your enoughness.

Kristen Boss (08:03):  I’ve been exploring this and talking with this concept a lot with my clients, this idea of self-validation and why that’s so important in the social selling business. Think about it. You’re putting yourself out there a lot. And if you’re constantly at the mercy of what everyone says or thinks or how they respond to what you put out there, you’re never going to feel confident. This is what has you spinning out. Freaking out second-guessing, shutting down and spending hours, writing one post for your business. This is what has you hating writing content because you’re so in your head about it, you’re always second-guessing yourself. Wondering, I don’t know if this is enough. Am I speaking to the right people? Are they saying these things there’s so much judgment around it because there’s a fear that it’s not going to be enough? Or you have this idea about writing this post. That I don’t know enough. I’m not experienced enough. I’m not good enough with my words enough creeps in a lot in really sneaky ways.

Kristen Boss (09:22):  The moment you hear or feel that anxiousness, that judgment, that shame because those are the emotions that come with. Enoughness is like not feeling like you are enough. Enoughness the feeling of that is actually sufficiency because enoughness is an emotion we think it is. But when we decide we are enough, it creates a feeling of sufficiency and self-validation. Sufficiency is one of the most powerful emotions you can experience in your business. And I’ll tell you why. When you are feeling deeply sufficient, that allows you to do things without judgment, without fear, without shame. And how many times in your business do you not take action? Doing the things you know, you need to be doing because you were sitting in judgment, fear, and shame. Sufficiency is the feeling that comes with you, deciding that you have what it takes, you know enough to serve somebody.

Kristen Boss (10:35):  You have value. It’s getting into this deep place of nobody has to validate you, but you, not your team, not your husband, not your children, not strangers on the internet, not random people that respond to your posts, respond to your social media. You cannot look for validation outside of yourself. That must come from you. And only you, when you do this, it’s going to remove so much head trash and drama for you. I want you to really think about what areas in your business have you chosen, maybe even on a subconscious level that you aren’t sufficient or you’re not operating out of sufficiency. You’re operating out of deep insufficiency because you feel inadequate. You don’t feel like, you know enough, you don’t feel like you’re savvy enough with social media, whatever your enough bar is like the standard of that. I want you to notice often in your mind, you’re coming up short.

Kristen Boss (11:59):  So today enoughness is something you get to decide at any given moment. It’s you choosing to validate yourself? It’s yeah. Choosing to be deeply sufficient. Here’s something that’s amazing. That’s happened. I’ve done this with a few clients and it is amazing the results they started getting when they chose to operate from sufficiency and choose thoughts that made them feel sufficient. They started signing people when they hadn’t signed people in a long time, they started writing posts really quickly and feeling very calm, confident about them and showing up consistently because they weren’t second guessing what they were putting out there all the time. Social media. Yeah. It’s a game of consistency. And if you’re sitting in judgment, fear and shame, it’s really hard to show up consistently. Right? So my clients had started operating from deep south sufficiency and validation and realizing that enoughness, this was just a thought or a decision that they could choose to have any time they could choose to decide and decide to be enough at any given time.

Kristen Boss (13:12):  And that creates feelings of sufficiency. And self-validation, that’s the most powerful thing we can feel as well. Women, I believe is sufficiency realizing we’re enough. We have what it takes. We have everything we need to succeed in. The moment all you need to do is look within it’s there. But oftentimes we’re so busy sitting in judgment and shame and fear that we actually don’t think this idea of enough-ness or sufficiency. We don’t think it’s something we can access. We think it’s something that’s at the mercy of our circumstance. It’s not, you can choose to feel sufficient. You can choose and decide that you are enough, no matter what your circumstances are. And that it’s where I often see women at the mercy of circumstances outside of themselves to dictate if they are enough.

Kristen Boss (14:13):  So my encouragement for you is get into it to a place where you validate yourself and yourself only through your posting, your business, your social media, how you love on your children, how you show up for your family and realize that is that enough. It’s not it’s again, it’s not a feeling. It’s something you get to decide and you get to decide it whenever you want. You can choose any given one moment that you are enough. You can decide in any given circumstance that you are enough. I know that sounds so fluffy, but really it’s just deciding that you were sufficient. It’s that you could be at peace with yourself and you don’t need to look to anybody else to validate you. When we stop looking to others, circumstances or things outside of ourselves, to validate our feelings, our worth and who we are. We experienced freedom in all areas, not just our business, but in all areas. So today, if you feel yourself, if you feel some judgment and shame or fear creeping in, ask yourself, and what areas am I choosing to believe that I am not enough? Am I choosing to believe that I don’t have what it takes? And where am I choosing to find validation about who I am and what I offer and how can I get back into choosing to validate myself and being deeply sufficient.

Kristen Boss (15:58):  We’ll catch you guys next week. That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done in different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for awhile, this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

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