Today Kristen is breaking down how our money beliefs and money story is affecting our business growth and why it’s so important to have a healthy money mindset. She’s not just talking about when you’re in lack of money–but also the beliefs that hold us back when we HAVE money!

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Transcript for Episode #11: Money Thoughts

Kristen Boss (00:05):  Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling inauthentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way.

Kristen Boss (00:48):  Hello, welcome back to another week. Happy, happy Monday. I’m thrilled to be back. I’ve taken some time after my intense mastermind retreat that I was at, I got back from, and it was an amazing experience. It was in Aspen, Colorado. Oh my goodness. I don’t know if you, as a listener have watched Dumb and Dumber, but I was thinking about those movie quotes the entire time I was there. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen. It was beautiful. We had to wear masks everywhere and that was okay. Not my favorite, but Hey, I decided to have a good attitude about it. It was a great experience at a beautiful hotel. I was with my friend, Samantha, and it was so inspiring to have a five-star experience. And, and we both felt this way while we were doing this. We’re like, wow, all these hard decisions and big things we’ve done for ourselves have created this amazing opportunity. I felt so much gratitude while I was there.

Kristen Boss (02:01):  I was so inspired. The food was amazing. I joke I’m like, I don’t know if it was a mastermind weekend or if it was a foodie tour, it was so good. And I thought something was interesting, which is what’s led to the topic of today’s episode, but it was a fascinating experience being in a place where it was like the five-star experience, amazing food, an amazing hotel, beautiful shopping. It was so fun. I went with Samantha and she had her first Gucci and Louis Vuitton purchase. Man. That was super fun. It was great. I loved celebrating with a friend who had done big things and was treating herself with her first Louis Vuitton purse and her first Gucci handbag. It was, it was great. I love celebrating with her. And on our last day, we both were getting kind of teary-eyed. And we were talking about the experience from a place of just deep gratitude, gratitude to ourselves for making hard decisions. We both made really scary decisions when we were starting our businesses and choosing to invest, even when it felt terrifying at the time and choosing personal growth, choosing it for our future and what we were wanting to create. And we both were sitting there the last day, just kind of reflecting on the weekend. And I was getting a little choked up when I realized that I had come to a point in my life where I was able to buy and enjoy things that I could not fathom or imagine 18 months ago, two years ago.

Kristen Boss (03:55):  And I was filled with so much gratitude because hard decisions are what got me to that place. Hard decisions that were way outside of my comfort zone. And we both were just emotional as moms realizing we’re in a place in life where we can, we don’t have to worry about the cost of organic milk anymore. And we both very vividly, as we were talking, we both very vividly remember what it felt like to struggle, what it felt like to literally ring every drop out of monthly paychecks when it was literally one surprise expense away from falling on our faces financially.

Kristen Boss (04:52):  And we both realized we carried the same mantra with us for a really long time of I’m never going to get ahead. We’ll just never get ahead. And that was the narrative. And we both realized, oh my goodness, we have breathing room for the first time in our life, which is really it. It was, it was a beautiful moment. And I realized, you know what? We got to talk about money. And I realized this might be a really uncomfortable episode for some of you. I used to feel deeply triggered when people would bring up money.

Kristen Boss (05:30):  And what’s interesting is it’s not that I came from poverty. I didn’t come from lack, but I came from a lot of beliefs and I had a lot of beliefs around money. So after this, you know, five-star experience weekend, I just thought, you know what? We got to talk about money. If we’re in the business of changing lives. And if we want financial, which my audience network marketers, they sign up for it to experience financial freedom. It is the number one response I hear when I ask someone, why are you doing this financial freedom time, freedom. And if it’s not financial freedom, they say time, freedom. But in order to have time, freedom to do whatever you want and go where you want, you need the resources to be able to do that. So today I want to talk, talk about money beliefs and your money story and why it’s so important to heal your thoughts around money and to have a healthy money mindset when it comes to growing your business.

Kristen Boss (06:38):  And you could say my money mindsets. Fine. That’s great. Love it. Well, we’ll see. Have I made, did I make you uncomfortable when I talked about the five-star experience? Because let me tell you the version of myself two years ago would have probably been uncomfortable hearing that. I would have been a little annoyed, if I’m honest, like, Ugh, guess she’s talking about a five-star experience. It’s just how nice or why talk about that. But I think it’s really important to normalize and neutralize a topic that I feel gets very emotionally charged for people. I mean, think about it. It’s the number one argument that happens in marriages.

Kristen Boss (07:28):  Think about how often money comes up for you in your everyday they life think about what emotions you often tie to money. I had a lot of anxiety around money for a long time, and I had a money story I had to heal, but my anxiety around money was so bad. God that I didn’t want to open my credit card bills. I didn’t want to look at my bank statements and the story I would tell myself is, well, it’s, money’s coming. It’s fine. It always works out. I just wanted to pretend that money was there. I never wanted to see the reality of money. For some reason. I just, I was afraid of looking at the numbers. And if you tell me you don’t have money issues or money drama, I’m going to challenge you and say, well, how do you feel when you look at your bank account, what thoughts and feelings come up?

Kristen Boss (08:26):  Do you feel neutral? Does it feel like that’s just numbers? It’s just information. Do you avoid your bank statements? Like I did. That’s a form of money, shame, or even better. How do you feel when you look into your monthly reports for your business? When you look into your back office when you go into your PayPal, how do you feel? What thoughts come up, do you spin out to get anxious? Do you freak out? Do you get the tightness in your chest? Do you start to feel frantic or on the other side? Here’s the side of it too. When we’re in lack, we really believe, I remember there was a time. I, I had this income, a certain level of income in my mind, and I really thought I would never have money drama again, at that, at that level, I’d be like, no, it’s going to be so great.

Kristen Boss (09:22):  I’ll never feel this again, but there’s something that happens. And it’s funny because my friend, Samantha, and I coined a term over the weekend and there’s something that happens even with money. We have thoughts and feelings without money, but we can also have thoughts and feelings with money. And that’s a part of the equation. I was not prepared for it. So I wanted to just have this really healthy conversation to help normalize some of the thoughts and feelings that a lot of people have around money. And if you’re feeling uncomfortable, I want to just invite you to sit with being uncomfortable. And that’s okay. It just means that maybe you have some thoughts and maybe you have some beliefs to examine. I’m not inviting you to change them. Like, yes, you have the power to change them. But what if, what if in this however long you have with me in this episode, what if you just simply choose to observe your thoughts? Just notice them, not asking you to change them turn around, turn them around overnight. But I want you to just notice as you hear me talking, what comes up for you and why? Because I’ve had to do this work myself. Okay. So there’s thoughts and feelings that come with a lack of money and there’s thoughts and feelings that come with having money.

Kristen Boss (10:52):  And they both, if they are not healthy, can be very detrimental. So we were talking about Samantha and I were just talking about, we remember being in this place where the price of organic milk was actually a real thing and how feeling like we never could get ahead was a real thing. That was part of my story. And then there’s this other part of the story that when you get money, a whole new thing comes into play and we call it goblin energy. When you turn into the goblin where you hoard, you hoard the resources and maybe you have goblin energy right now. You don’t have to have a lot of money to have goblin energy, but that’s where you want to like go into your cave and just count your coins and feel safe. And you want to hoard the resources. You don’t want to spend it. You just want to stockpile it. And it comes from the deep fear of what, if this all goes away. What if I can’t create this again? What if it was just a lucky strike? If I spend it, then it’s going to be gone forever. It’s the scarcity of believing that you can’t go and make more. That’s the goblin energy. We call it like, it’s the hoarding, your resources saving it very fearful and scarce around it. Even if you have it feeling scarce around it.

Kristen Boss (12:32):  And then there’s the beliefs that come with lack. In terror, literally feeling like, and being programmed in your own brain, thinking, this is the way it is. I’m always going to struggle. It’s always going to be a struggle. Making money is really hard. So I’m going to unpack some money beliefs with you. And there’s some, I had to work through myself and I just, I’m not sure if I’m going to have like this big old coaching, like here’s some, here’s some tips today. I think I’m really just wanting to sit in this conversation. And if I’m being fully transparent with you, which is what I do, I’m transparent. This is not an easy episode to record.

Kristen Boss (13:27):  It’s challenging. It can be hard to talk about money. What will people think of me? Will they think I’m, I’m stuck up? Will they think I’m? I don’t know. I honestly, I don’t want to give too much energy to that. I don’t want to think about what people think, but yeah, I was thinking the other day, there’s a lot of similarities between the sex and money. Whoa, there’s a lot going on in this episode, right. Sex and money. But I grew up in a time where sex was talked about, but only in a very particular light, it was very hush hush. It was very quiet. It was for very certain beliefs. It is for it this way and in this way only, but it wasn’t something that was talked about. And I kind of grew up in a culture where there was a lot of shame around it.

Kristen Boss (14:30):  There’s this huge abstinence movement that I grew up in. And so sex was kind of demonized. It was a bad thing. It was scandalous, right. But we all know it’s a healthy human thing. It’s a beautiful thing in the right context, in the right relationship, in the right way when there’s trust and all these things, right? There’s, there’s a way where it’s healthy. And then there are obviously ways that something natural and normal gets abused and becomes bad based on others or circumstances. I feel like there’s the same thing with money. I think the energy around sex is very similar to the energy around money.

Kristen Boss (15:22):  Like money is just money. It’s just a piece of paper and we’ve either made it a good thing or a bad thing either makes you a good person or a bad person, not having money makes you a noble person, and having money makes you a greedy person. Let’s just think about beliefs that you hear all the time. I really used to believe that we, we came from, you know, part of our story is we came up from my husband being in ministry and he, you know, worked for the church and now and support raising all those things. And there’s very strong beliefs in the religious background. And that context, I had a lot of religious beliefs around money to where I genuinely thought it was noble. I must be. I really thought being in Lac was holy.

Kristen Boss (16:31):  I believed that if I was financially suffering, I was noble that while this earth is material, I don’t want to have, I don’t want to cling to material things. I had this fear of being materialistic that have turned me into this person. That money makes you a materialistic person. That’s going to turn you into this greedy buffoon, this greedy person like Scrooge McDuck, hiding in his vault of, you know, golden coins when people are out on the streets starving. I really believed that. But then I had other beliefs, beliefs like you have to work really, really, really hard to make money. It doesn’t get to come easy to you, sweat, blood, and tears and see the American dream. Pretty much working nine to five. You work really, really hard till you grow of age. You retire. And then maybe you can enjoy your money if you’re wise.

Kristen Boss (17:24):  And if you’ve figured it out, you’re not allowed to enjoy your money before then you have to work really hard and you have to pay your dues. Now I do believe in sweat equity. I do believe in diligence, but I believed that you had to suffer to succeed. And you want to know how I believe that because when I was, I felt deeply wronged. When I wasn’t seeing the measure of success, I felt worthy of at the time, remember my hustle mentality. I’d worked 60, 70 hour weeks. I’d work until two in the morning, fall asleep face first on my laptop, wake up six, 7:00 AM, do it all over again. And I really felt like if I’m honest, I had this narrative of my mind of look at me, I’m working so hard.

Kristen Boss (18:27):  I really believed success was owed to me because I was suffering. And when success didn’t come to me in the way I thought I became resentful, deeply resentful, really unhappy. Because again, the equation in my mind is if you have to suffer for success, then my brain was like, well, how much more do we have to suffer? Because this is pretty awful. There’s a really great book that I want to recommend to you. It’s called money, a love story by Kate Northrup. And she actually started in network marketing. And I realized that I had some thoughts and feelings around money. I remember when I was around somebody that I think I was on a plane and I saw someone with a book that said, rich dad, poor dad. It was the rich dad, poor dad book. And I looked at that book and I’m really ashamed to admit, I made a judgment call on that person. This probably would have been, I don’t know, 15 years ago. I was young, but I made a judgment call on that person. I automatically assumed they were greedy because there was the word rich on the book they want to learn to be rich. That’s a greedy thing.

Kristen Boss (19:48):  What if being rich is an outcome of being impactful and serving people on a very large scale. And you can define what rich is, what a fridge is relevant. I believe it is what you feel as rich could be rich in relationships rich in time richness with your family. I actually don’t think there’s a number attached to the word. Rich. How freeing is that? Have you attached a number to it? What comes up for you? When I say a million dollars, I’m going to get, I’m going to make a point towards the end. I’m gonna tell a story towards the end of the podcast. That was just super helpful. But I had all these beliefs that you had to, that you had to suffer that suffering was noble. That being in lack was more noble. It was holy. I was more righteous and this is so fascinating because I grew up, I didn’t grow up poor, I think grew up in with lack. Like we were upper-middle class.

Kristen Boss (21:05):  And I think I carried around a belief that if I got more money, I’d lose my righteousness. I don’t know where this came from. Well, I have some ideas, but money became something to be ashamed of when I was growing up. And maybe some of you have a different story. Maybe, maybe you were teased for not having money. Maybe someone made hurtful remarks about your hand-me-down shoes or something else. I know for me, money became something that felt shameful to me when people started making comments later in life like must be nice. Did daddy get that for you? Well, if my, if I had your family money, well, if I was rich like you, which was so fascinating because, at the time as a child, I didn’t know. I didn’t think I was rich. I didn’t know I was rich and yes, I, I please don’t hear that I’m not deeply grateful for my upbringing and the blessings I had. I’m very grateful, but I didn’t realize how blessed or fortunate I was until people started making comments. And then I felt ashamed.

Kristen Boss (22:19):  I felt very undeserving. I felt it was something I had to apologize for. And then even later than I felt like I had to prove myself later that I was deserving. And this is where my overworking over like my workaholic tendencies started to take shape. If I work really, really hard, 60 to 70 hours a week, no one will say I’m undeserving of what I have because I’ve worked really hard for it. How many of you feel this way? I was working. I was overworking myself to hide my shame, but what if it’s not that way? I’m going to tell you a few healing thoughts about money that really blew my mind.

Kristen Boss (23:14):  First of all, was the first time I heard when somebody said money, doesn’t change who you are. It magnifies the person you already are. It’s just a magnifier that blew my mind. I was really afraid that money was going to change me and make me a bad person, but I believe kind generous, good charitable people that want to make a difference in the world. I want to put money in their hands. I was recently at another mastermind event earlier this year. And there was a very talented gentleman there who was on Forbes, 30, under 30. And just so is so, so wise for his young years. And he said, you know, grow your, grow your giving arm early. My husband talks about this too. With me. He talks about like how to grow your giving muscle. And he said, you know, if you’re not going to learn to give while making a hundred thousand a year, you’re not going to be someone who gives out a million.

Kristen Boss (24:17):  And that really stuck with me. So I realized I need to be someone who gives now, no matter what, no matter what the income be, a charitable giving person. So money doesn’t change you. It only magnifies you another thing here’s this money is neutral. It’s just paper. All it is is paper, but we’ve attached meaning to it. It’s just an exchange of value. It’s just a way of expressing services rendered. That’s it? But we’ve made it mean more. I had a lot of judgments around people with money growing up, which is just so fascinating because I grew up around it.

Kristen Boss (25:21):  I guess in my brain, I had fears of appropriate wealth of like, okay, well there’s modest wealth and that’s appropriate. I had all these rules. Like I guarantee you if you were to sit down and be like, what rules do I have around money and wealth for scarcity? What rules do you have? I had rules in place. It can look like this, but not this people can’t know this, but this one of the best things I heard was that money helps you be more of who you truly are. I want you to think about that for a second before. You’re like what Chris? And this is getting really uncomfortable. I want you to think of how you would show up in the world, how you would serve people and love people. If your brain wasn’t occupied at all by where the next dollar was coming from, how you’re going to pay that bill, how, where you are going to get by. When I think about the time when I was struggling over the price of organic milk, I think of how much of my bandwidth, my mental bandwidth was totally consumed by money problems.

Kristen Boss (26:39):  It bogged me down. I was stressed, exhausted. I was less emotionally available in my marriage in relationships with people as a mom. Cause it was just so consuming. This is what I mean. When, when you have financial freedom, whatever that looks like to you. I’m… Today, I’m going to say wealth is what you decide it is. But I believe true wealth is when you are free to give to the world and others in whatever capacity you desire to me, that’s wealth. And I think that looks different to every person. And I want you to picture that crazy income and think about if I wasn’t thinking about this bill, that bill, or that bill, how would I show up in the world? More light, more joyful, having more time to contribute, give to others because you’re not caught up with thoughts of like, oh my gosh, the price of organic milk.

Kristen Boss (27:50):  This is a part of money. Nobody wants to talk about, but I’m going to talk about it, even if it’s uncomfortable for you, for me. Okay? Because I want to normalize this. We have to talk about it. So we have these beliefs. When we’re in scarcity, that’s going to be really hard or that type of money is just never available for us. I hear another one. You have to, you have to have money to make money. Oh man, that was a rule. I carried around with me for a long time. Anytime I saw someone who had a lot of money or a lot of success, the story I always went to was like, well, who paid for that? Who helped them? Their family must have a lot of money to get them started. I really had that belief, which is why this journey is so powerful for me. This journey I’ve been on because this is the first time where I assumed all risk financially, emotionally, physically, and no one was there. There was no back up net.

Kristen Boss (28:59):  There was no, no one cut me a check and said, Hey, I’ll pay for your first coach. Best of luck, man. No way. I had to dig so deep. And it was absolutely terrifying. It was the best thing I ever did as my husband would agree. Maybe I’ll have my husband on another episode. And we’ll talk about what this has been like for him as a husband watching, right? But when you choose to believe, going back to that belief of you have to have money to make money. If you choose that belief, you will always choose to be helpless in that because you’ve literally put yourself in an impossible situation. If you’re without money, then you’ve literally created the equation. Like there’s no hope for me because if I have to have money to me, money, I’m stuck.

Kristen Boss (29:56):  You don’t, you want to know the truth. You have to have a heart for others, a lot of grit and a lot of resilience and resistance just go. That’s what it takes. The ability to solve a problem and love people and serve people. I’ve always loved the saying that your income is always a product of your impact. If you focus on your impact deeply and you seek to serve others, using your gifts and your potentials to the, to the fullest, income’s going to be a by-product of that. Along with mentorship, like having a mentor is huge. I’ve had so many mentors, which by the way, let me challenge you. If you think people with money are bad, people go your brain going to look for evidence for that everywhere. Be like that. Person’s a jerk that person’s an a-hole that person’s a jerk. That person has money.

Kristen Boss (30:53):  They’re a jerk. You’re just going to look for ways to confirm your biases. You want to know something that was really amazing for me was I found mentor who were gosh, somewhere 20, 30 years older than me. And they had, they had wealth and not, yeah, just emotionally or physically, but I mean like financially, they were very well off and being mentored by them was so deeply transformative for me because they were humble, loving servant, hearted kind people, good people that were doing amazing things in the world. That was so healing for me, where I saw all my gosh, if you give a generous person money, they’re going to be generous.

Kristen Boss (31:49):  Write down who you would become with wealth. I think sometimes the brain, if you’re, if you have this belief that wealthy people are bad people, I don’t care what you say. But if, and if you’re looking at that top rank of your company and you’re looking at the numbers on that, and you’re like, I totally want that. But you also have in a different part of your brain, the story of wealthy people are selfish people. Your brain will literally not let you get to that income because it feels like it’s in moral violation to yourself because you won’t want to become a greedy bad person.

Kristen Boss (32:33):  So what helped for me was when I now with goals, I wrote down like, what do I want? Who would I want to bless? How would I want to give to others? Where would, what would we do with those resources? And how could we serve people that literally fights the idea in your brain? Oh no, I’m going to be a bad person. No, you’re not. So I want to challenge some of your money. Thoughts. What are your thoughts about money, man? I think the more I say money, money, money, money, money. Let’s just discharge it here. Let’s just neutralize it in this space.

Kristen Boss (33:15):  And I do think there are a lot of thoughts about money in the religious context. I know because I’ve, I’m in that myself. I had to undo a lot of beliefs. I had that I believe were rooted in my spirituality. I literally thought money, put my spiritual health and my morality at risk. Think about that. Do you hold that belief? Do you feel like it compromises your spirituality? Only if you let it and why would you let it? It’s kind of an intense episode, but I’m like, you know what? We gotta talk about it. I think another episode we’ll probably do, do more on money mindset, but I feel like it’s, it’s important to bring out the beliefs. Let’s talk about them. Get them out there, have, have a money mindset MythBusters going on here.

Kristen Boss (34:30):  But I know for me, there’s this, there is a whole new level of head garbage that comes first. There’s head garbage. When you’re in lack, you don’t have the money. And then a whole new level of head garbage comes when you have the money, is it here to stay? Is it going to go away? What will people think of me? Are people going to love me less? Should I hide it? Do I not spend it? Do I tell people, do I not tell people? Do I hide my success? There is on a whole new level of crap up there because if you don’t heal your money, thoughts, when you actually come into or have money, your old money beliefs are going to sneak in and you will either turn into a goblin where you’re hoarding and hiding. And you’re in a place of living an absolute terror. I mean, terror, it’s talking to a business friend who, who had an amazing year and their business nearly million dollars. And she was absolutely terrified to spend a dime. She couldn’t even enjoy it because she was so afraid that it was about to disappear. That’s more money beliefs. That’s that’s scarcity. Isn’t that amazing. You can have scarcity with no money and scarcity with money. Isn’t that amazing because we make money means something.

Kristen Boss (36:06):  We charge it with emotions and beliefs and it’s like, we make it, this living, breathing thing. It’s not it’s paper, just transferred energy. It’s just an exchange of value for services rendered. That’s all it is. But we make it, we attach it at the identity level. We attach it to faith and religious contexts, emotional contexts. But the thing I love that I think I want to leave you with is, imagine who you would be free to be like, if you weren’t freaked out about money, finances, and bills, how would you show up in the world?

Kristen Boss (36:57):  How could your presence be a gift and a blessing to others? Who would you want to give to? What charities would you want to give to? This is important for you to know this so that your brain knows like, oh, we’re not a bad person. It’s heavy, but man, we got to talk about this. We got to set making a shameful. You know, someone asked me the other day, like why aim for a million dollars? Why not just be, be fine at X amount of dollars, right? Almost like there was shame attached to an aim or goal of a million dollars.

Kristen Boss (37:42):  But what if that’s just a measure of impact? Okay, fine. Not a million dollars. What if it’s a thousand lives changed? Somehow that’s socially acceptable. But as soon as you attach a number to it, people are like greedy. So instead of a million dollars, why not just think a thousand lives changed a thousand people I want to serve and help them have their own time and financial freedom to show up as a more empowered mom, wife, sister, friend, member of the community. I have a feeling I’m going to be creating a 2.0 of this. But my challenge to you is sit down and really dive through what are my thoughts of poverty and what my thoughts on wealth.

Kristen Boss (38:38):  What are my thoughts about people who are in poverty and people who are in wealth? Because here’s the thing I’m also not going to say. It’s like, I don’t believe people who are in poverty are lazy. I actually think there’s some of the hardest working people. I know it’s interesting, isn’t it. I also know millionaires who are the hardest working people. I know. So what’s the difference between them. If they both work really, really hard, what’s a difference beliefs stories. And some of the beliefs are from social constructs that are a lot more ingrained that are very hard to undo. And I get that. I don’t want to be naive to how some people have serious socio-economic beliefs that have been ingrained on them since birth. And maybe they’re in systems that are very hard to undo. I’m not going to sit here and say, I’m, I’m a hundred percent knowledgeable in that area. It’s an area I’m continuing to work on and get educated in. But I think we have to stop making assumptions about people with money and without money. Because when we stopped making assumptions, I believe we can start making pretty amazing changes and we can show up in the world more powerfully. So whether it’s a million dollars or thousands, a thousand lives changed, it’s really just about service. Isn’t it? Hello! You soak on that, go out there and serve, make an impact. We’ll catch you next week.

Kristen Boss (40:22):  That wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you loved today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with a review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done at different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals. In the academy, you get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for a while, this is the premier coaching program for the modern network marketer. Go to to learn more.

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